ROOM SHARING WITH FOUR KIDS
(and why it's awesome)
I got this question last week and wanted to take a stab at it: How do/did we handle room sharing for our 4 kids?
(Note: at the time of writing the kids are ages 10 (boy), 9 (girl), 7 (girl), and 4 (girl))
We have done it so many ways! We are currently a family of six living in a 4BR / 3bath house. However, prior to 2021, we were a family of six living in a 3BR/ 2bath house. This is a tricky question because no matter how I answer, it just might not line up with your living space setup, the ages of your kids, genders, etc. Instead, I will give you a few things we think through:
Room sharing is awesome. I think our culture (and TV shows) have taught our kids they need their own room. While I understand the importance of having space to call your own, I also think room sharing is one of the most underrated gifts for siblings. I remember sharing a room with my sister though middle school and having to really work on our conflict resolution and respect for one another’s differences. All this to say, if you think room sharing is a disservice to your child, you might actually be bettering them in the long run.
When the kids were super young, we always prioritized the one who needed the most sleep/had the trickiest sleep: the baby. For that reason, JR and Scout started room sharing when Scout was 20 months old so that Millie (one month old at the time) could move into the nursery. Then, when I was pregnant with Allie, we got a twin over full bunkbed and put all three big kids together so Allie could have the nursery (our bedroom didn’t have a closet to put a child in or we might have gone that route). It was crowded, but honestly, the kids loved being in a room together! The trickiest part was nap times. Millie would nap in the nursery, Scout in her room, and JR would have quiet time in the playroom which was right by the kitchen. He had to learn to be quiet and I had to prep dinner quietly so as not to bang on the wall where Scout was snoozing on the other side.
As they get older, gender plays a big role. Johnny now has his own room and has since we was seven. He is the only boy; this makes sense for us.
As much as we can, we try to listen and accommodate. Scout and Millie used to share, and then eventually Scout really expressed a desire for her own space so we switched Allie to share with Millie. This still works really well because Allie and Millie have similar sleep schedules and play really well together, whereas Scout is a total night owl. In years to come, we will see what happens. Will Millie want her own space? How will we decide which two girls share? I am not sure but we will make the best decision when the time comes. Heck, maybe all three will want to share a room and stay up late having pillow talk?! A mom can dream.
All this to say, there really isn’t any right way to do it. So much depends on the space you have and what you can make work. All three girls share a bathroom, and at some point I know I will hear shouts of fighting over the mirror to apply makeup (just kidding, they already come to mom’s room to do that) but on the whole I really love the shared spaces in our house. Sometimes being on top of each other makes me want to scream, but 99% of the time it makes me incredibly happy.
I will leave you with something sappy that we used to have hung on the wall in our living room. The reason I love it is because it again reminds me that bigger isn’t always better. It’s from the song Little Houses, by Doug Stone:
“Love grows best in little houses,
With fewer walls to separate,
Where you eat and sleep so close together,
You can’t help but communicate.
Oh, and if we had more room between us,
Think of all we’d miss,
Love grows best in houses just like this.”
OMG the mountain of books by the beds is the most relatable.
As a mom who just launched her first child into college, I can share that there was a whole section of college orientation discussing the fact that college is now most kids' first experience with sharing a room. At school, my son is crammed into a room the size of a closet with three other young men. Our children are widely spaced so growing up he had a lot of time with his own room, but also some time with his little brother. If I had to do it all again, I wouldn't change a thing! I think the room sharing is invaluable!